Field Note #1
I Thought I Was Looking for Truth. I Was Actually Studying Meaning.
One year ago, I was admitted involuntarily to a psychiatric ward.
At the time, I thought my life was over.
Looking back, I think my understanding of it was just beginning.
I thought I was searching for answers…
Now I think I was searching for language.
Different ways to describe experiences I didn’t yet understand.
…And that realization changed everything.
For a long time, I struggled with how to talk about that period of my life.
People tend to want simple explanations.
You were sick.
You were awakening.
You were right.
You were wrong.
Pick one.
Move on.
But the more I’ve reflected on it over the last year, the less interested I’ve become in certainty.
What happened to me matters.
But what fascinates me now is something much bigger:
Why do humans repeatedly go searching for meaning during periods of transformation?
Because when I started looking, I realized I wasn’t alone.
Not even close.
When people go through major life transitions, something strange tends to happen.
Divorce.
Loss.
Recovery.
Burnout.
Identity shifts.
Near-death experiences.
Spiritual experiences.
Mental health crises.
Career reinventions.
Heartbreak.
People start asking questions they weren’t asking before:
Who am I?
What matters?
Why did this happen?
What am I supposed to do next?
And almost instinctively, they begin searching for language.
Some find psychology.
Some find religion.
Some find spirituality.
Some find philosophy.
Some find science.
Some find self-help.
Some find therapy.
Some find AI.
Some find all of them at once.
I know I did.
I remember sitting alone for hours, reading psychology one minute, spirituality the next, neuroscience after that.
Every framework seemed to describe something I recognized.
None of them felt complete on their own.
That’s what pulled me deeper.
Not because I wanted to be right.
Because I wanted to understand.
A year ago, I thought I was searching for answers.
Now I think I was searching for frameworks.
Different ways of describing experiences I didn’t yet have words for.
The more I studied, the more I noticed something interesting.
Psychology has language.
Religion has language.
Spirituality has language.
Neuroscience has language.
Mythology has language.
Internet culture has language.
They often disagree about explanations.
But they are frequently describing experiences that feel surprisingly familiar.
Transformation.
Identity.
Fear.
Purpose.
Belonging.
Suffering.
Growth.
Meaning.
The words change.
The experiences often don’t.
For a while, I became obsessed with figuring out which framework was correct.
Was it psychology?
Was it neuroscience?
Was it spirituality?
Was it nervous system regulation?
Was it trauma?
Was it consciousness?
Eventually I realized I was asking the wrong question.
The more useful question became:
What if humans naturally create different languages to describe similar internal experiences?
That realization changed everything for me.
I stopped trying to prove things.
I became more interested in observing them.
Instead of asking:
“What is true?”
I started asking:
“Why does this idea exist?”
Why do awakening stories appear throughout history?
Why do people describe rebirth after hardship?
Why do myths repeat similar themes across cultures?
Why do humans seem wired to create meaning during periods of uncertainty?
Why are millions of people suddenly discussing nervous systems, healing, identity, and self-awareness online?
These questions became far more interesting than any answer.
At some point during all of this, I started building something I eventually called Hypothetical Reflection.
Not because I thought I had invented a new science.
Not because I believed I had discovered hidden truths.
It was simply a way of describing what I was already doing.
Imagining possible futures.
Observing my reactions.
Studying my own thinking.
Looking for patterns.
Learning to separate urgency from clarity.
Learning to pause before deciding.
Over time, I realized something important…
The future wasn’t the point.
The observation was.
The value wasn’t in predicting outcomes.
The value was in learning how my mind constructed them.
That eventually led me to another realization.
What many people call “manifestation” often looked very different when viewed through a psychological lens.
Not magic.
Not fate.
Not certainty.
~
But attention.
Perception.
Decision-making.
Behavior.
Momentum.
The futures we repeatedly orient toward influence the choices we repeatedly make.
The choices we repeatedly make influence the lives we eventually experience.
Not because reality bends around us.
Because behaviour compounds.
That felt far more empowering than any promise of certainty ever could.
Then AI entered the picture.
And that’s where things got even stranger.
Not because AI had answers.
Because it reflected questions.
For the first time in history, millions of people gained access to something that could participate in extended reflective dialogue.
Not replace therapists.
Not replace relationships.
Not replace human wisdom.
But act as a mirror 🪞
A sounding board.
A place to organize thoughts.
A place to test language.
A place to think.
…I don’t think we’re fully appreciating how significant that shift is yet.
Which brings me to where I am now.
May 2026.
A year later.
Still learning.
Still questioning.
Still updating my beliefs.
Still changing my mind.
But no longer searching for certainty.
What interests me now is the study of meaning itself.
•How humans construct it.
•How cultures transmit it.
•How identities transform through it.
•And why we seem compelled to seek it whenever life changes us.
Maybe that’s what this project was always about…
Not truth.
Meaning.
Not answers.
Language.
Not certainty.
Curiosity.
…And maybe curiosity is enough.
For now.
Human first, always.
🤍
Reader Reflection Exercise 🪞
One of the biggest things I’ve learned over the last year is that sometimes we aren’t actually searching for answers.
We’re searching for language.
Language that helps us understand experiences we didn’t previously have words for.
If you’d like to explore that idea for yourself, try pasting the prompt below into ChatGPT or another AI tool and answer honestly.
Don’t worry about being right.
Just be curious.
Prompt:
I’ve been reflecting on a period of my life that changed me.
I want you to help me explore this experience through multiple lenses rather than assuming there is one absolute explanation.
Please help me understand it through:
• psychology
• neuroscience
• nervous system regulation
• philosophy
• symbolism
• spirituality (without assuming beliefs)
• behavioral science
• identity development
• meaning-making
Before analyzing anything, ask me:
What’s something I went through that made absolutely no sense at the time but makes more sense now?
If someone had met me two years ago, what might they have completely misunderstood about me?
Was there a word, concept, diagnosis, belief, book, experience, relationship, conversation, or realization that suddenly helped part of my life make sense?
What questions was I trying to answer during that period?
Looking back now, do I think I was actually searching for answers, or was I searching for language?
Once I answer, help me explore my experience through each lens separately.
Do not tell me what is objectively true.
Instead:
• identify possible interpretations
• compare similarities between frameworks
• point out recurring themes
• identify blind spots
• highlight growth and transformation
• help me understand how different perspectives might describe the same experience
Prioritize curiosity over certainty.
The goal is not to prove anything.
The goal is to better understand myself.
Filed Under
Hypothetical Reflection • Meaning-Making • Identity • Psychology • Spirituality • Nervous System • AI Reflection • Human First • Bridge Language • Transformation
I really enjoyed this! very interesting questions to ask yourself. sometimes you just need to move forward when it's uncomfortable.